Well, this may not mark a return to regular coverage of radio's pratfalls, but yesterday's announcement of Broadcast Architecture's new "Chillout Radio" format has inspired us to sit back down behind the keyboard, crack our knuckles, and say to ourselves, "This deserves the kind of attention that only A.T.E.! can give."
You see, BA owner/President Allen Kepler has dragged our good name through the mud multiple times, accusing us of single-handedly killing his cash cow Smooth Jazz format. Allegedly we murdered it with a nine-month experiment called "New York Chill," a venture doomed to failure from the get go largely because of a corporate edict that a certain percentage of the previous Smooth Jazz format be kept in the mix.
To think that Smooth Jazz was healthy up to that time in 2004 is sheer folly. If it truly was, a major broadcasting company would not have been actively seeking methods by which the ailing format could be fixed.
We were scapegoated, and we believe unfairly so. But little did we expect Kepler's gracious invitation to even the score, which is how we view yesterday's "Chillout Radio" unveiling.
As it was reported on All Access:
BROADCAST ARCHITECTURE will launch a new radio format on March 29th called the CHILLOUT RADIO. The new format will tap into relaxing "feel good" hit songs from Rhythmic AC, Top 40, AAA, AC and Urban AC. Music from artists such as SADE, MICHAEL JACKSON, ALICIA KEYS, JASON MRAZ, NORAH JONES, GEORGE BENSON, JOHN MAYER, PHIL COLLINS, BEYONCE, MAROON 5, SEAL, COLBIE CALLAIT and KENNY G will be featured.
"Our new format offers something new and fresh in both variety and feel," BA Owner/Pres. ALLEN KEPLER stated. "Everyone needs a "FEEL GOOD" station on their radio, a bright place to regain their zone and help them escape from the stress of the day, relax, chill out and FEEL GOOD. Like Smooth Jazz did for a generation of listeners over the last 20 years, the CHILLOUT RADIO NETWORK targets today’s adults who need a break from rap, hip-hop and edgy rock music. The variety of music we're offering takes a mass-appeal approach to a format that is unique, yet features some of the most mainstream, sophisticated music recorded over the past 35 years."
The CHILLOUT RADIO NETWORK targets both women and men age 35 to 44; the 24/7 format is delivered via satellite or downloaded via FTP.
So let's see now - we see Smooth Jazz referred to in the past tense, an after-the-fact acknowledgment that the format is toast. We see a litany of artists that you'd find on BA's version of Smooth Jazz, noticeably missing instrumental artists, with the exception of Kenny G (to whom a shrine has been erected at BA world headquarters, no doubt). And for the format's name, we find Kepler going where, according to him, no one should have ever gone."Chillout Radio," indeed.
A memo to BA clients issued shortly after the debut of New York Chill on WQCD made fun of a man Kepler allegedly saw in public wearing a T-shirt with a martini glass pictured on it, along with the words "Chill out." Kepler asserted that the man knew nothing about chillout music. We think that's a scream, because given what's in the Chillout Radio demo, perhaps it is Allen Kepler who is less than knowledgeable about chillout.
Listen to the demo here.
George Benson is chillout?
Jason Mraz is chillout?
Phil Collins is chillout?
With this, the members of Zero 7, Massive Attack, Bent, Thievery Corporation et al are probably scrambling to find a new descriptor for their music that won't be so easily corrupted by the corporate clueless.
So, are you "feeling good" yet? We should be. Our biggest critic just stepped into a noose and is begging us to kick away the chair. But we won't.
We'll let the market decide.
Will 35-44 year old listeners flock to a feel-good station that plays what's played out?
Will BA save itself from irrelevance with this lipstick-on-a-pig repackaging of the worst of Smooth Jazz?
Only time will tell.
To our friends at United Stations Radio Networks, who are charged with selling this format to broadcasters, we wish you the best of luck.
Finally, if you'd like to hear our version of chillout radio, we invite you to sample the one-month-old Chilltrax, at www.chilltrax.com. But be warned: Chilltrax is a Kenny G-free zone.
For a moment we thought we deserved to be able to use that line about "fresh and new in both variety and feel," but now we realize it's forever tainted.
