Thrifty Radio Station TV Spot Of The Week™

Time again for the midweek merriment that is the Thrifty Radio Station TV Spot Of The Week™.

In this one the first sign of thrift is the lack of a voiceover. Then you notice the rather inappropriate music choice for a sports station...the still photographs instead of moving video...and the disturbing imagery, including a defaced T-shirt from the competition and non-girly men embracing.

We are puzzled by this commercial, but oddly compelled to give it the TRSTVSOTW award this week. We're not sure why, but we feel like there might be consequences if we do not. Somebody from GOW Communications' KGOW/Houston is messing with us. We hope that bestowing this award will make the mind games stop....

Nearly six months' worth of TRSTVSOTW's exist in the All The Excess! archives...so take a stroll down short term memory lane by typing "Thrifty" in the search box to your right.

Blogger to blogger

After posting the item about MOFO Satellite Radio accusing existing AM/FM stations of being "terrestrial repeaters," we heard from fellow blogger Johnny Van Suedanbitter.

Dear A.T.E.!,

I have Google Alerts set to pick up anything with my name in it, or any of my trademarked catch phrases and nicknames, like "Fagreed Suleman," "John Slogan Hogan," and "repeater radio."

I got several alerts yesterday.

You're on my lawn again.

Get off.

There ain't room in the blogosphere for both of us.

There are only a few subjects I write about repeatedly. My material is limited.

I can't afford to have you even getting close.

By the way, congrats on the "Snarkiest Blog" award. That's one I'm glad I didn't get.

I won my own award.

Actually it's a Guinness world record. For having the longest blog posts and most paragraphs consisting of the fewest words.

Consistently.

A new category for Guinness.

Mine.

So are you off my lawn?

Or do I have to get litigious with your ass?

Have a nice day.

--Johnny Von Suedanbitter

AM station for $ale...on Craigslist

Radio station for sale...on Craigslist. Swear to god.

At All The Excess!, we pride ourselves on imaginary news as commentary on the radio business today. But this item is, as near as we can tell, real.

If for some reason you don't want to follow the first link, or you did and the listing has already been taken down, follow this one for proof.

We swear we're not hallucinating. Get it while it's hot!

MOFO fires back re: terrestrial repeaters

The distinction between satellite radio and terrestrial broadcasting is getting blurry.

For years, terrestrial broadcasters have opposed the use of terrestrial repeaters to augment the signals of satellite companies like Multiple Offerings From Orbit (MOFO) Satellite Radio. Today, MOFO fires back.

The argument from terrestrial radio has always been that MOFO should not be allowed to use terrestrial repeaters to compete unfairly with local broadcasters, by offering local content and selling local commercials. MOFO so far has complied, but now seeks to level the playing field.

In today's letter to the FCC, MOFO claims that terrestrial radio is doing exactly what they fear MOFO wants to do. Large radio corporations offer centralized and often satellite-delivered shows on a national basis, and allow local AM/FM stations to sell local ads and do traffic/weather cut-ins. The local AM/FM stations are thus no more than high-powered terrestrial repeaters, MOFO says, and they are unfairly allowed to localize.

Calling their requests a plea for fair competition, the satcaster boldly asks for a rulemaking that 1) MOFO be granted the right to sell local ads and offer local content, so far prohibited, and 2) transmitter power be equalized among AM/FM stations and MOFO's repeaters.

A.T.E.! Analysis: If your market has AM or FM stations that are basically "terrestrial repeaters" with up to 100,000-watt signals, things could get interesting! Has AM and FM effectively become satellite radio, all the while fighting the existence of companies like MOFO? Is this too heavy or serious a topic for us? For you? Should we let Johnny Van Suedanbitter have this one? Would you rather we just re-run "Keep F**king That Chicken?"

Vandals strike A.T.E.! HQ

Upon returning from the BLOW Show in Roswell, we were greeted with a sad and ugly sight. Vandals had struck our All The Excess! New York City headquarters.

Witnesses say they first noticed the graffiti on Thursday morning, September 24th. The NYPD is investigating and we're getting ready to repaint after this senseless act.

An organization claiming to be the Expletive Liberation Front, or ELF, has claimed responsibility for the incident.

BLOWie awards cap poorly attended BLOW Show

Roswell, NM - The few attendees of the Broadcast Lobbyists of Washington's BLOW Show are packing their bags and preparing to head home today, a day earlier than planned. Poor attendance and a general lack of enthusiasm forced the cancellation of the Friday sessions here.

Thursday night was not without excitement, however. A selected number of winners of BLOWie Awards are listed here on All The Excess! later today, including...All The Excess! We gratefully accepted the award for Snarkiest Radio Blog at last night's gala ceremony.

Also, Ennui Broadcasting controller Stash Warbucks tells us that he spent the night at the Roswell Police Department after his wife Embezzelina insisted she had seen an unidentified flying object. The Roswell Chief of Police, Darth Johnson, says that tourists often claim to see weird sights after reading local folklore about alien crashes and E.T. autopsies, but in reality those reports are "a lot of hooey."

Selected BLOWie Award Winners:

Clone talk, Tesh tantrum mark 2nd BLOW Show day

This morning's Ryan Seacrest sighting (at the same time he appeared in Philadelphia) plus an uncharacteristic outburst from usually mellow John Tesh brought a little liveliness to the otherwise mundane day two of the Broadcast Lobbyists Of Washington's BLOW Show.

Tesh, moderating a session called "If this Internet thing catches on, then what?" appeared sleepless and unshaven, and screamed at radio people in the room for "continuing to act like the Internet is just a hobby we dabble in along with our real jobs." He mocked the title of the panel and bristled when an audience member asked him what it was like to play a Klingon on "Star Trek."

Poor attendance and the no-shows of several expected panelists have caused the entire Friday agenda to be cancelled. Most BLOW Show attendees are expected to return home early, and tonight's awards banquet will thus become the final convention activity.

Seacrest Cloned???

Seen at both conventions simultaneously!

Rumors that Ryan Seacrest is a human cloning experiment gained credence today when he was spotted in both Roswell (at the Broadcast Lobbyists Of Washington's BLOW Show) and at the competing convention in Philadelphia.

Seacrest made an unexpected and unpopular cameo appearance during a "National Programming Wiped Out My Job" whine fest in Philly at 9:30am, at the same time he was appearing on the "Breakfast with the Blatherer" program being broadcast live from the BLOW Show across the country in Roswell, NM. Witnesses have sworn that neither incident involved one of the many Ryan Seacrest costumes on the market and that it really was the ubiquitous one himself.

Calls to the Ryan Seacrest World Domination Empire in Malibu were not returned.

Stories have persisted for months that several Seacrest clones exist, and many believe no one human can effectively perform as many jobs as Seacrest allegedly does. DNA evidence from each creature is needed to substantiate cloning claims, however, and there is no knowledge that any tissue or blood samples were gathered from either scene today.

Thursday's BLOW Show-genda

Note: These events are subject to change or cancellation. The organizers appreciate your kind flexibility as rooms are changed and/or sessions combined due to the unusually light attendance at this year's BLOW Show.

Midnight-7am - Volunteers are needed to assist in the clean-up following Wednesday night's Gallagher performance. Crater Room.

7:30am - Breakfast with the Blatherer. Enjoy western omelettes and tangy bloody marys while local morning mainstay Barry "the Blatherer" Bongoleum of KALN (pronounced "K-Alien") broadcasts his folksy morning talk show (including "Swap Shop") live from the Roswell Mos Eisley Marriott. Asimov Room.

8:30am - Sessions

• "Can we open our eyes yet?" A roundtable discussion on whether radio revenue has hit rock bottom or whether we can possibly slip further. Featuring predictions from special guest psychic Miss Cleo. Quark Room.
• "FM translators will fix everything" - How your puny AM station can eke out a couple more years on life support thanks to low-powered FM allocations stolen from independent non-commercial community broadcasters. Neptune Room.
• "If this Internet thing catches on, then what?" Future shock soothed thanks to the calming voice of moderator John Tesh. Klingon Room.

10:00am - Built in crisis management time for you to put out fires back home.

10:30am - More sessions

• "Recruiting tomorrow's talent" - Senior managers banter about the unfortunate lack of interest in radio from today's youth, and what kinds of non-monetary incentives work with kids today. Nebula Room.
  
• "Fleeting expletives and you" - An FCC commissioner to be named later reads you motherf***ers the riot act about what you're liable for if one of your *sshole employees forgets to hit the g*odd*mn dump button. Prepare to sweat. Phobos Room.
• "What should we talk about tomorrow?" Impromptu planning meeting to decide topics for Friday's limited sessions. Meteor Room.

12:00 noon - Box lunches, courtesy of Olive Garden, main courtyard.

1:00pm - Mandatory organized fun. Buses leave for the alleged crash site where aliens were supposedly discovered in the twentieth century. On the return leg, expect to stop for an extended period of time at Roswell's famed Cantina Messina for mass quantities of the bar's "Illegal Alien Autopsy" drinks.

5:00pm - Return to hotel.

6:30pm - Awards banquet (formal). Uhura Room.

9:30pm - Free time to enjoy the Roswell night life.

No-shows plague BLOW Show

Roswell, N.M. - It's one of the most sparsely attended "BLOW Shows" in memory, and the howling winds on the eastern plains of New Mexico bring nothing but tumbleweeds and a mournful cry, while those of us who are already here look skyward in hopes that one of the three commercial flights that land here daily will bring more BLOW Show attendees. But alas, new arrivals are few and far between.

This morning's keynote speaker was among the no-shows, so the early risers were treated to a video of Senator John McCain accepting the Republican nomination for President - one of the few relatable and suitable-for-family items to be found in the A/V archives here at Roswell's Mos Eisley Marriott.

The three 11:30am sessions were combined into one, and still a ringing echo in the room reminded each participant of the sheer loneliness felt by all, as sales people mingled with engineers and programmers in a discussion of "When dja get in?" Later, the seven participants adjourned for an early lunch, promising to return for more sessions at 3pm. Three, not including this reporter, allegedly showed up.

Joan and Melissa Rivers, the riveting mother-daughter comedy act, were inexplicably detained in Salt Lake City and unable to make their flight for tonight's dinner show. However, Gallagher is still set to perform, although we hear his traditional watermelon props were shelved in favor of smaller crushables like tomatoes and bananas.

Where is everyone? We had hoped to ask BLOW President Jeremiah Blohardius for his thoughts on the minimal attendance, but he has not been seen since around 11am, and is reportedly battling a sudden flu with a healthy dose of in-room pay-per-view.

Following tonight's entertainment, we imagine it'll be early to bed so that everyone has plenty of energy to tackle tomorrow's agenda. Although the smaller than expected crowd might make for a rare opportunity to get inside the head of comic icon Gallagher one-on-one at the bar, providing we can stay awake.

Planning your Wednesday at BLOW

The Broadcast Lobbyists Of Washington welcome you to Roswell, New Mexico for the annual BLOW Show!

(Please note that there is a non-corresponding agenda for the convention being held during these same dates in Philadelphia. The BLOW Show is a completely separate event. As hard as it may seem, try not to confuse them.)

To assist in planning your day at The BLOW Show, here is a listing of various activities. All events are at the host hotel, Roswell's Mos Eisley Marriott, unless otherwise specified.

Wednesday, September 23

8:30am - Early Bird Cocktails, Talos IV ballroom

10:00am - Welcome and Keynote Address - "Know When To Fold 'Em" - Former radio group owner and now international casino magnate Foster Kindworthy is expected to deliver an address on how to get out when the gettin' is good...and how to feed the family when it's not. Uranus Room.

11:30am - Sessions

• "Caught on the Cameras" - Account executive accountability in 2010 radio. Talos IV ballroom
• "Request Line Babes" - Why you shouldn't. Khan Room.
• "Engineer's Heaven, HD Radio" - How do we get out of this? Heinlein Room.

1:00pm - Lunch

2:00pm - Naps

3:00pm - Sessions

• "Blame Arbitron for Everything" - Why programming shouldn't change for PPM. Crater Room.
• "How's that 401K matching coming along?" - When to tell employees the truth. Black Hole Saloon.
• "What we've done for you lately" - BLOW accomplishments in 2009 (mini-session). Talos IV Room.

4:30pm - Blackberry re-charge station opens (sponsored by TalkRight Networks). Khan Room.

5:30pm - Senior discount dinner. Jupiter Room.

7:00pm - Cocktails followed by dinner and comedy night entertainment with Joan and Melissa Rivers, Gallagher (casual attire recommended), and local Roswell favorite Shecky Hubble. Crater room.

Ongoing:

BLOW Job Finder Service. Venus Room.
BLOW Exhibit Hall. Ferengi Room.

Thrifty Radio Station TV Spot Of The Week™

With a mega-cuming hot YouTube video of our own, we hesitated to siphon off any hits from it, but we know we'll get emails galore if we don't bestow a Thrifty Radio Station TV Spot Of The Week™ award.

This time it's no slap in the face, however. Instead of holding a corporation in contempt for calamitous cost-cutting, we have an example of how a commercial shot on a shoestring budget can actually be good...and can start that word-of-mouth that everyone desires. Naturally, we had to go outside of North America to find such a spot.

Ladies and gentlemen, we present a TRSTVSOTW from the most admired radio station in "District 9," Johannesburg's 94.7 Highveld Stereo.



Remember, there's timeless inspiration in the All The Excess! archives, where you can search for every "Thrifty" we've awarded in our nearly six-month history. Just type "TRSTVSOTW" in the search box you'll find somewhere in the right column.

You don't suppose they serve prawns at that Joburg restaurant, do you?

Travel day - Off to Roswell for BLOW

It's a travel day for us All The Excessives! As we wing our way to eerie Roswell, New Mexico for BLOW (the Broadcast Lobbyists Of Washington's annual BLOW Show), we ponder what alien artifacts and influences we may find when we land. This little smidgen of extra-terrestrial radio seems appropriate to give you a sci-fi (syfy?) Rush.

The truth is out there. Really out there. (And that's a good reason for us to exist.)

The week ahead: BLOW and the other one

Fall is here and with it come the trade shows, inexplicably scheduled at precisely the same time this year. Broadcast Lobbyists of Washington (BLOW) will be landing in Roswell, New Mexico with "The BLOW Show," while the better funded of the two groups will be cheez whizzing it up in Philadelphia.

With our limited staff and resources, All The Excess! was forced to choose between shows, and as our position as an alternative trade site might dictate, we'll be dedicating ourselves to BLOW. We do expect to meet up with lots of our "on the beach" brethren in Roswell, however, as the BLOW Job Finder Service is always a popular draw (BLOW is an annual treat for the unemployed).

It looks like the more expensive suits will be doing the Philly scene, and we're hopeful that there are gossipy moles among you who will tip off A.T.E.! to the big stories coming out of Liberty Bell Crack City.

Whether you're doing BLOW or you're Philadelphia bound, remember to check All The Excess! each day from the road, so you're at least one rumor ahead of the people you run into at the bar! And if you haven't already, today would be a great day to get the All The Excess! app downloaded to your iPhone so you can flash it at colleagues. Thus they'll know that you're solidly on top of the radio dirt.

'Twas a poultry pounding weekend!

Thanks to the talented All The Excess! production wizards who cranked out a "Keep Fucking That Chicken" remix on Friday night, A.T.E.! scored an incredibly high number of hits this weekend, the likes of which we've never seen before. It just goes to show that we're not above riding the wave of an Internet meme to boost our traffic. (That's the A.T.E.! version of SEO, baby.)

That high number of visitors, plus the incessant harping within our industry that "content is king" inspires us to present a new poll in the upper right portion of this page. What would you like to see more of on All The Excess!? More hard-hitting and investigative reporting, or a greater number of goofball recess-for-your-mind productions like the video we produced and posted this weekend?

Of course we've already made up our minds, but we thought it'd be fun to get your thoughts anyway. Please vote.

An A.T.E.! musical tribute

From the All The Excess! studios, we present an original production...a remix of this week's gaffe heard round the world, uttered by WNYW/New York anchor Ernie Anastos. It's perfect for shedding the stress of the past week and it'll take you over the fowl line again and again. Put on your boogie boots and shake your groove thing to "Keep Fucking That Chicken (Maxwell House's Chicken Funkin' Mix)" by Ernie Anastos and Friends!

Station liquidation hits the nation

Sources tell All The Excess! that the radio station offered on Wednesday's "The Price Is Right" may be the first of many to come.

Contestant Alva Martini guessed $150 too high on the asking price of Fluffycloud's KIWP/Cemetery Flats, South Dakota, or could have been that station's new owner, pending FCC approval.

Details of what kind of compensation Fluffycloud would have received from CBS-TV and the producers of the show for offering the radio station as a prize were not disclosed, but it is believed that it would be well below the $250,000 price quoted on Wednesday's program.

KIWP would have been the first radio property for Martini, a widowed homemaker and mother of four from Muskogee, Oklahoma.

He does chicken right!

All The Excess! is proud to come to you from New York, New York...the city so nice they named it twice...the city that never sleeps. Perhaps it is that sleeplessness that claimed WNYW-TV anchor Ernie Anastos' better judgment last night when he uttered the mother of all fleeting expletives on the Fox 5 late news.

Many versions of this incident have appeared around the Internet today, but A.T.E.! held out until we could bring you a recording made with much better quality equipment, not a hand-held camcorder with crappy audio. Did he say "plucking," as some claim? You tell us.



Of all the visuals associated with this motormouth malfunction, our favorite is this one of Anastos' charming co-anchor Dari Alexander, as she reacts in stunned horror to the four letters that begin with F falling out of glib Ernie's trap. Her reaction is - dare we say it? - almost what you might expect of an actual journalist whose medium has just been desecrated by gutter talk from a tipsy overpaid news reader. We think she would have even been grateful to see Kanye West storming her way with something important to say at this point.

It does make us wonder what's under that slick looking anchor desk, which under some circumstances might appear like a garish over-the-top bar in some Las Vegas hotel, probably stocked to the gills with premium brands.

"Let's see, what's the best choice of beverage when serving fornicating poultry?"

Some are saying that "Keep f---ing that chicken" is a phrase that should easily find its way into common vernacular. It says at least as much as the tired "It is what it is," after all. But before you get any wild ideas, the call letters KFTC are already assigned to a television station in Bemidji, Minnesota.

Top advertisers this week

According to All The Excess! monitors, these are the top ten clients heard on American radio during the past week.

1. "I Can't Believe It's Not Auto Insurance!" (real-looking insurance certificates; Swindle & Fraud, Ltd.)
2. "Soup On A Stick" (drive-thru fast food restaurant; Soup On A Stick, Inc.)
3. "Jabba The Hut" (beach enclosures for the obese; Circumference Products)
4. The HD Radio Rah Rah Association
5. "Card Me!" (kit for producing false IDs; Just for Kids, Inc.)
6. "Get Your Stink On" (mall aromatherapy stores; StinkAmerica)
7. "Staph Meeting" (teleconferencing software to keep infected workers on the job; MicroManager)
8. "Pedo Files" (childhood trauma therapy via study-at-home system; Sykobabble)
9. "The Pyongyang Gang" (North Korea Ministry of Tourism)
10. "O-Ringers" (Private space flight company; Will & Testament, Inc.)

Note: All except (4) are honoring the advertiser boycott of Glenn Beck.

Thrifty Radio Station TV Spot of the Week™

They went thrifty on the costumes, skimped on the props, and chose bargain comedy writing for this TRSTVSOTW from Leighton Broadcasting's KZPK (Wild Country 99)/St. Cloud, Minnesota. But in the end, a time-honored axiom proves to be correct: Fart jokes are always good for a hearty family laugh!



Need to feel better about your lame marketing campaign? Remember, there are tons of Thrifty Radio Station TV Spots of the Week™ in the All The Excess! archives. Just type "TRSTVSOTW" in the search box to the right and peruse them all.

Long awaited Zune HD goes on sale

Microsoft's much anticipated Zune HD went on sale in stores all across North America today, but police in riot gear were sent home when the boisterous Zune-craving throngs that were predicted failed to show up.

Zune HD is the first portable media player to include the HD Radio chipset and is regarded as a make-or-break product for HD's successful future.

Gavin Lemmings, President of the HD Radio Rah Rah Association (HDRRRA), downplayed the apparent lack of enthusiasm for Zune HD all across the continent. "People were probably up too late watching Jay Leno's new show last night," he said in an effort to explain why the Zune HD did not attract large queues of eager customers like products such as the iPhone and Wii generate on first-day availability.

At a Tampa Best Buy, confused customer Mohammed O'Shaughnessy asked an All The Excess! reporter where the "track" was so he could "test drive" a Zune HD. And at a Denver location, employee Darla Zune, who had her last name legally changed to take advantage of the anticipated Zune HD publicity, appeared despondent as she climbed to the store's roof and threatened to jump.

Chicago's WYMP-HD2 has new leadership

Hello again, everyone! It's time for another visit to the world of HD Radio multicasting, and we're in the Windy City of Chicago today, speaking with the newly-appointed Operations Manager of Frugalstar's WYMP-HD2, Rhymeesha Fornell.

CK: Rhymeesha, you're brand new on the job. Was it a shock to get the nod as OM in market number three?
RF: I was very surprised when management told me that I am now supposed to do the HD2 logs. Hopefully this additional responsibility won't take too much time away from my regular stuff.

CK: Additional responsibility? Please tell us more.
RF: I'm an assistant to the WYMP account executives, and I do two hours a day on the main switchboard. I also help out in promotions when they axe me to mail out stuff. I used to be part time but now I get benefits.

CK: What changes do you have in mind for WYMP-HD2?
RF: Number one, no more dead air because some dumb ass forgot to do logs! We had a couple of haters call up after Labor Day weekend, and I think it's kinda how I got this new job. That plus the diva with the really long curled up nails walked out in a huff one day last week. Man, she was on-fire furious about overtime or something.

CK: How do you pick the music for WYMP-HD2's "Forgotten hits" format?
RF: There's some list that comes in by fax. I haven't seen one yet. There's a rule that if a song charted in like the top 50 we're not supposed to play it. That's for the main station.

CK: What do you hope to accomplish with WYMP-HD2? What's your vision?
RF: With any luck we'll get enough people voting to make an Arbitron some day soon. I also need to learn more about the Selector computer. Right now I know how to hit F10 to start a log and today I learned how to renew the license, so we're getting there. My vision is 20/50 and I really should wear contacts, but they hurt my eyes.

We'll be back soon with another chat with the people behind the new stations and formats that are popping up all over the place thanks to the technological wonder that is HD Radio!

Snappy Answer Man takes your iPod FM questions

Wednesday's announcement that Apple's next generation iPod Nano would include an FM radio has prompted many readers to email SAM, the All The Excess! Snappy Answer Man.

Question: The new Zune will have HD Radio...why didn't Apple make the iPod Nano HD capable as well?
Snappy Answer Man: Apple is about as worried about Microsoft's Zune as the U.S. fears being invaded by Monaco.

Q: When bands like Led Zeppelin or the Beatles play on the radio, what will I hear on my iPod Nano FM?
SAM: Those artists haven't allowed Apple to sell their music, so I suppose there's a chance you'll be listening when "Get The Led Out" comes on and hear a block of Miley Cyrus instead.

Q: Why did it take so long to get an FM radio in an iPod?
SAM: Our lobbyists were too busy spending millions fighting the satellite radio threat to focus their energy on the FM iPod crusade. Good thing they saved us from that merger that threatened to screw us all, right?

Q: If Steve Jobs was in radio, would his name be "Steve Layoffs?"
SAM: Punch lines are the domain of Snappy Answer Man, and don't you forget it.

Q: When a listener uses the new live pause feature, what will happen at my station? Will our hearts stop? Will we still breathe?
SAM: What does it matter? Obviously all brain activity has ceased, so you're already technically dead.

Q: I'm on the PPM panel in my market. Is there a way to hook my iPod Nano, my PPM and my headphones together without looking like a total dork?
SAM: No.

Q: If somebody pauses the device halfway through a commercial, does the client only pay 50% rate?
SAM: Buddy, just take whatever they're willing to pay you.

Q: Why would anyone listen to FM radio and endure repetitive music and 18 minutes of commercials an hour on the very same device on which you could program sets of your favorite songs without interruption?
SAM: Snappy Answer Man doesn't like it when you stump him. Anybody?

The things we wanted to get done this summer...

...but didn't.

All The Excess! has been busy on the telephone and email since Labor Day, asking radio executives at all levels to answer the question, "What's one thing you wish you had accomplished over the summer, but for whatever reason did not?" The results are in the following nifty graphic.

A.T.E.! traffic way up - What the Beck?

These days apparently a sure fire way to increase the hits on one's blog is to include Glenn Beck items or references. Between the aircheck on Tuesday and Wednesday's re-run of the KOY-FM spot, All The Excess! traffic was up by nearly 200% each day! Love him or hate him, folks be searchin' on the Beckmeister. Just sayin'.

Thrifty Radio Station TV Spot of the Week™

It's a race to be first! Now that Labor Day has passed, you just know that SOMEbody is getting ready to go All-Christmas. So we present this Thrifty Radio Station TV Spot of the Week™ with holiday holly-jolly hooks galore and inexpensive, almost believable lip syncing that would make Ashlee Simpson blush. Congratulations to Citadel's KNEV (Magic 95.5)/Reno!



And even though they don't relate at all to the TRSTVSOTW, these two words are here just so this item shows up in all those searches: Glenn Beck.

Beck's ex-Phoenix visage rises from the ashes

After running yesterday's item linking to the newly found 1983 Glenn Beck aircheck, we received substantial amounts of email requesting that we re-run the zany madcap morning zoo television commercial from KOY-FM/Phoenix in which a somewhat larger version of the resignation-inducing Beck (at left, wearing trendy leather jacket with pushed-up sleeves) may be seen.



A carbon-14 dating of this ad puts its vintage at around 1988, near the same time when Jessica Hahn (of Jim Bakker sex scandal fame) joined Beck's Y-Morning Zoo as a cast member.

This should not be confused with the Thrifty Radio Station TV Spot of the Week™ award for which All The Excess! has received worldwide acclaim. That honor is bestowed elsewhere.

F I F T Y!

As of this past weekend, South Dakota is now aboard, and thus All The Excess! can finally claim readers from all fifty United States of America. We've also got fans in 52 countries, from Azerbaijan to New Zealand. Now, more than ever, All The Excess! is truly where Planet Earth comes to get the radio dirt the other sites leave behind!

Glenn Beck - In a mellower mood

Radio/TV charlatan Glenn Beck, now credited for bringing down a member of the Obama administration, is heard here during another Washington, DC crisis - a 1983 snowstorm has him trapped at the studios of WPGC! Listen as the drama unfolds and hear Glenn (a much thinner version, pictured at left adjusting tie) say things you might hear in his modern-day act, like "Betcha By Golly Wow"....



Bookmark All The Excess!

for the radio dirt the others leave behind...daily!

Bountiful tower harvest expected in 2009

Experts believe that this year's radio tower harvest will be especially plentiful, although they caution against the tower harvest season beginning as early as it has.

Signs of tower farmers jumping the gun have recently appeared in places as diverse as Everett, Washington, Deland, Florida, and Allentown, Pennsylvania.

Tower expert Prescott Fytree warns against early harvesting, saying "the structures must mature to allow the inherent corrosion to bring out the musky taste" that tower lovers apparently crave.

In a related story, fire almost destroyed the crop of towers on Mt. Wilson in Los Angeles last week, which Fytree advises are far from their maturity and their premature destruction would have been a "catastrophic shame" for the industry.

WKRPorn - Will this turkey fly?

Note: Unlike most of what's in this blog, what you're reading is a TRUE news story.

"WKRP In Cincinnati," the late seventies TV sitcom that spoofed life at a fictitious radio station and inspired a generation of All The Excess! writers, is getting the porn treatment.

New Sensations, an adult movie company that has already done porn parodies of television shows like "The Office," "Scrubs," "Seinfeld," and "Friends," has turned the late 1970s hit into a lurid sex romp. Shooting for "WKRP - A XXX Parody!" was completed on the weekend of August 29 and 30 in Van Nuys, California.

The original "WKRP" starred Loni Anderson, Howard Hesseman, Tim Reid, Gary Sandy, Gordon Jump, and Richard Sanders. Fleshbot has assembled a comparison of the original actors and their clothing-eschewing modern day counterparts here.

Sacramento "goodbye" stunt = FAIL

Some ridiculous but real news out of Sacramento concerning Entercom's KDND (The End): The station posted a message on their web site Tuesday that said they'd be "saying goodbye" at 7:10am on Tuesday 9/8. Perhaps you've read the "Radio Promotion Handbook 101" or have heard this one before.

KCRA-TV hadn't, apparently. In fact, they're still standing by their story here...that "the End" is ending on Tuesday. Source of the information..."They (KDND) posted a message on their Web site." FAIL.

KXTV was sucked in as well, but their story had a hint more accuracy.

Fox affiliate KTXL was the thorough one, discovering a hidden page on KDND's site that spilled the beans...The End was saying goodbye to commercials between 9:30 and midnight on Tuesday.

Now The End confesses here. What was supposed to have us on the edge of our seats until Tuesday is out of the bag on Friday.

Apparently the whole thing is intended to divert attention from the a trial that begins Tuesday. The station is accused in a wrongful death suit because a contest entrant died after drinking too much water at once, trying to "hold her wee for a Wii."

We've taken an interest in this story because we think there are a few lessons here. First to KDND - Trying to milk this one for a week was pushing it! And besides, you can't have the attitude that "Our listeners are so stupid they'll think...." any more. KTXL learned the truth from one of your fans who knew to dig through pages on your web site that weren't supposed to be visible. And maybe the most obvious point - Is staging a wacky stunt on the same day you're going to trial as a result of another stunt really a smart thing to do? (Especially a stunt that's designed to mislead your audience!)

Now to Sacramento's TV stations - You were had, and some of you are still in denial. There's something called "fact checking." And guess what? You can't believe everything you read on the Internet. A few minutes spent looking at the rest of this site should convince you.

And the 50th state is....

.....South Dakota.

As we've noted before, All The Excess! was able to invade all the Canadian provinces and many global nations before we conquered our own fifty states. The push to fifty is nearly at an end, however, with one final hold out: South Dakota.

This is extremely important for the collective ego here at All The Excess! Please, even if you have to cross the border from Wisconsin to do it, can we have just one visitor from South Dakota?

And special thanks to our new friends from Alaska and Wyoming, for without you we would have been flying our flag this Labor Day weekend with only 47 stars showing.

Is life imitating "art?"

ALERT - THIS PARAGRAPH CONTAINS A VALID NON-IMAGINARY NEWS ITEM: (source: Radio Online) "Talentmasters has announced its first-ever Talk Show Boot Camp set for November 14 in Atlanta. As an extension of its popular Morning Show Boot Camp, this event will cater specifically to spoken-word/issues-based shows, talk show producers, and those interested in making the switch to talk or shows looking to syndicate."

Do you think they're aware of the Conservative Talk Radio Boot Camp that was just held barely a week ago, as reported here on All The Excess!?

Thrifty Radio Station TV Spot of the Week™

Can you tell if a radio station's television commercial is thrifty if it's in a language you don't understand very well? Of course you can!

This week's Thrifty Radio Station TV Spot of the Week™ is proof positive that marketing economy has no linguistic barriers. The first of the cut corners (rincones cortes) you'll notice is the use of still shots instead of moving video. And you'll find more as you enjoy this week's TRSTVSOTW, from Salem's KKMO/Tacoma-Seattle.

Top advertisers this week

According to All The Excess! monitors, these are the advertisers who were heard on radio most often during the past week. (There's a chance that up to eight of them will actually pay for their schedules!)

1. "The Asparagus Pulverizer" (Machete Industries)
2. "How I Beat My Husband's Addiction To Me" by Ima Messanareck (Commode Books)
3. "Travel Kabul" (Talibanal, official tourism agency of Afghanistan)
4. "Radio Heard Here"
5. "Language In A Can" (The Knowledge Strip Center, Inc.)
6. "Mosquito Jam" (ParentAnnoy, Ltd.)
7. "Propofol Lite" (Gimme-Mordoc)
8. "The HD Radio Rah Rah Association"
9. "Diarrheally?" (Poakder & Kottit)
10. "Esteem-Away" (Econoflation, Inc.)

If these eight bottom-line impacting advertisers aren't on your station (we know that the other two definitely are), light a fire under your slacker sales people and watch the cash flow like a mountain stream!

K-Lord's Kettleblack gets his freedom back

The bizarre case of Christian K-Lord Network's Collin Kettleblack took an unexpected turn on Monday when the man who pushes "positive good news" to much of America every weekday morning was released from jail. All drug charges against Kettleblack were dropped.

Sources tell us that Kettleblack offered the alibi that the house he was occupying was not his, and that he was merely house sitting for a friend. "It helped that many of the feds listen to Collin every day, and can't imagine 'Mr. Positivity' being involved in marijuana and crystal meth trafficking," said a person close to the investigation who declined to be identified.

The same source said that Kettleblack was asked how the hundreds of pounds of marijuana got in the house, and responded "I don't know, it was there when I moved in." As for the meth lab, Kettleblack said he believed the owner of the house was using the equipment to synthesize the herbal erectile dysfunction product "Hard-N-Fast."

Those authorities (and fans) from this sparsely populated area of Oregon may have been young enough not to be aware of Kettleblack's rambunctious past. It was allegedly heavy with massive parties and included a turbulent on-again off-again marriage to mulleted rock icon Bobbi Scimitar. But later, he emerged from rehab in 1993 as a born-again Christian.

Kettleblack, contacted by All The Excess!, told us that he'll be back on K-Lord this week once he finds a new house sitting opportunity. "Forced or not, it was really nice to have a couple of good nights' sleep," said Mr. Positivity in his characteristic nervous rapid-fire delivery. "God took really really good care of me."