Obligatory Ryan Seacrest item

It's been fifteen days since we ragged on ubiquitous national radio host and multi-airshift thief Ryan Seacrest, and alarms began going off here at All The Excess! Sadly, about all the dirt we could find on R.S. in a hurry was this photo, which we believe is Ryan kicking premium choice tires at the Beverly Hills Aston-Martin dealership.

He must have been in a jam for wheels that day and needed to make an automobile purchase that could be consummated during the short break between voicing AT40 and attending the weekly power lunch with a cadre of Fox executives. That'll teach him not to lend the Bentley to Lindsay Lohan.

A.T.E.! reader suggests promotion with MJ tie

All The Excess! received the following promotional tip from Ennui Classic Hits WPEE (P-105)/Kalamazoo Promotion Director Bob Pertunity:

"Our listeners suggested that we contact Michael Jackson's departed spirit via a seance, so we contacted local psychic Vera Spoontwister and booked the Kalamazoo Civic Auditorium for 'Mystical Michael Monday.' Over 500 P-105 listeners gathered and bonded to attract the Gloved One's spirit back to Earth for even a scant few seconds. At one point, Vera asked the audience to close their eyes and concentrate, and when she told them to open their eyes again, poof! A long lost soul appeared onstage! No, it wasn't Michael Jackson, but rather the once-retired Donut Hut mascot Donut Boy, who handed out Donut Hut shirts, hats, and coupons to the delighted audience. The listeners got a welcome break from their grief over Michael, and the client was thrilled with the instant acceptance of Donut Boy, a mascot they hadn't used for nearly twenty years. Donut Hut wants to take this promotion to other markets and bring back Donut Boy nationwide, so now is the time to come up with a creative way to make him re-appear in your city!"

For more particulars on this ultra-clever and topical promotion, contact Bob Pertunity at WPEE via email: bpertunity@p105inkalamazoomichigan.com.

EXCLUSIVE: The Devil offers assistance to financially troubled radio companies

All The Excess! has learned that most major radio corporations, many of which teeter on the brink of financial collapse, received an offer of monetary assistance from The Devil today.

Of the top twenty terrestrial radio groups we contacted today, only Salem and Bonneville denied receiving a notification from the Prince of Darkness via registered letter. Terms of the bailouts offered were not disclosed, and are thought to vary from company to company.

Though we were not able to acquire the entire text of any of the letters, a spokesperson from nearly bankrupt Fluffycloud did verify a line in the letter that confirms something many have long suspected. In the sentence Lucifer says, "My resources are limited but will be available on a first come, first served basis, with preferential treatment to the companies with whom I have an ongoing consulting agreement."

The Dark One's last involvement in radio broadcasting was believed to have been during the period between 1996 and 2001, when he supposedly facilitated numerous large-scale acquisitions and mergers. It had been widely suspected that Beelzebub maintained a continuing advisory arrangement with at least one large operator, a notion confirmed in today's offer letter.

No one contacted by All The Excess! would affirm that they intended to explore the option of financial rescue by Satan, but the Fluffycloud spokesperson admitted, "I think we would have to consider anything at this point."

Big Movers™

All The Excess! presents "Big Movers™," sponsored by U-Haul - "Move with us - leave your creditors in the dust!"

Rumor control: What former executive of a famous satellite radio company is pissed off that Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett died on the day of his big career-defining announcement? Is it true that he wants to re-publish the press release early next week to get the news coverage he missed due to the passage of the two celebrities? And how many programmers within the company to which he's headed are miffed that their upward progress has been stopped by a satellite radio guy, when they were assuming that they were the farm team?

Big mover of the week: Sam "The Sham" Ferro renounces his United States citizenship and hoofs it from the wakeup slot at CHR KUPU/Walla Walla to do nights at the mighty C-109 (CICK)/Toronto.

Settling for lateral moves: "Average" Josephine American leaves Eugene conservative talker KIYO and crosses the street to liberal talk KNAA, where she'll be known by her real name, Arlene Specter. On the Gulf Coast, Biloxi's WMMU says good-bye to PM driver Calvin Sobriety, who ankles to the same shift at country KHMD (K-Humid)/Galveston. And Peter Principal, PD of Kansas City's classical powerhouse KYYM, takes the same role at Norfolk's Bach-bangin' WYMP.

How the mighty have fallen: Lou Zerr, most recently OM/PD at Boston all-news WVO, moves his family of seven to Sevierville, Tennessee, where he'll don the headphones for weekends at country WUXI and pray for a rich relative to die.

Who will go Jacko Wacko first? And when?

You know somebody's going to do it. But who? And when?



Michael Jackson was pronounced dead at 2:26pm PDT today in Los Angeles. At that time the All The Excess! All-Michael Format Clock began ticking off the seconds, minutes, hours, and days until someone...somewhere...begins the first all-Michael Jackson radio format.

(Special tribute programming is not counted. We're waiting for the first 24/7/365 truly all-Jacko station.)

Who will do it? When?

Yawns greet MOFO iPhone app

The long-awaited application that brings Multiple Offerings From Orbit (MOFO) Discount Satellite Radio to Apple's popular iPhone differs greatly from customer expectations, the world learned today.

Instead of presenting a new way to receive MOFO channels, the app turns out to be geared to investors, and offers only financial facts, figures, and fallacies. MOFO subscriber disappointment was evident in postings on various Internet geek sites monitored by All The Excess! and the Iranian government.

What's included? No audio whatsoever. But...

The largest part of the screen reminds the user of the current MOFO stock price, while smaller sub-screens may be accessed to display the amount of cash burned since the user last checked, current MOFO employee head count, estimated date of first profit, and other items of interest to people who have invested their life's savings in the company.

A complex calculator is also part of the app, but caution: MOFO Math™, the company's often baffling proprietary formula for the computation of MOFO metrics that are released to the public (such as subscriber numbers) is the number system on which the MOFO app is based. Results of calculations made by the MOFO device and the iPhone's own built-in calculator may differ wildly.

"Encouraging" trio of users already

MOFO CEO P.T. Burnem said the MOFO iPhone application was off to an "encouraging start," yet the number of apps downloaded at the time of this article's publication totaled three.

In other MOFO news not worthy of a separate story, Bellbottom Seventies PD Thurm O'Statt names Sandy Surface MD of the channel. "In her new role, Sandy will be searching for new and exciting seventies songs to play," said O'Statt in one of the thirteen press releases issued by MOFO today.

Thrifty Radio Station TV Spot of the Week™

We've got a doozy of a "Thrifty" for you this week! One kilowatt of southern gospel greatness, Wal Win LLC's WJLX/Jasper, Alabama gets our award for TV marketing on a shoestring budget. And pay attention to the spot, because there WILL be a quiz following. Ready? Hit "play!"



Now, for ten points, what time is Kendall Benson's Southern Tracks show on? No fair playing the spot back again - you should remember if you were paying attention!

Nominate your (or a competitor's) Thrifty Radio Station TV Spot of the Week™ by emailing trstvsotw@alltheexcess.com. And thanks to Reverend Neil U. Beformie for the WJLX suggestion!

Fresno jock rethinking Iranian-like air name

One of the hosts of the wildly popular Ahmadinejad and Molly morning show at CCC Talk KSKK (Chatty 1100)/Fresno is reportedly considering a name change. Can you guess which one?

Darryl Ahmadinejad (whose real name is Edward Wang) claims that the reason for switching monikers has nothing to do with the current post-election crisis in Iran. "Far from it," he says, "it's just too hard for the Metro Traffic fill-in guys to pronounce."

It's the second time in five years that Ahmadinejad has undergone a change in his nom d'aire. The show was known as "Bush and Molly" until the approval rating of former President George W. Bush plummeted in 2005.

When asked how he'll pick a new name for Chatty 1100's morning show, Ahmadinejad replied, "We'll do it just like last time...we'll open up a Scrabble game and take the first eleven letters that fall out."

Survey: Radio is doing just swell!

The Broadcasting Lobbyists of Washington (BLOW) have released a survey they recently commissioned on radio listening habits and perceptions, and the results make for a glowing report card for terrestrial radio.

Some highlights:

• 98% of respondents said they get all their new music tips from radio
• 97% of respondents said that they turn to radio for all local news
• 95% said they get all national and world news from radio
• 99% said the radio was their favorite form of available entertainment
• 82% said they had never heard satellite radio
• 38% knew what HD is (of those, 2% had heard of HD radio)
  
• An amazing 74% said that they'd rather give up their spouse than lose their radio!
  

The survey was conducted during the month of May, and polled 150 death row inmates, all of whom are denied Internet access and many of whom cannot have books, newspapers, or visitors, (but are allowed personal AM/FM radios), in the correctional facilities of 37 states.

Luck smiles on Magoo; M4 consultancy to close

The industry was stunned on Friday to learn that global radio consultant Mort Magoo was the sole winner of $137 million in the nationwide Powerball lottery game. Then broadcasters were stupefied again when Magoo made two announcements about the future of his firm, the multi-format consulting company Magoo Mass Media Mavens (M4).

"M4 will not continue," said a typically sharp-dressed and well-coiffed Magoo at a hastily called press conference. "Some of my associates may want to re-group and go on, but as far as I'm concerned, I'm retired. Pensacola, here I come!"

Then another shocker: "I plan to spend part of this fortune repaying many of my earliest clients, at least the few who are still in the radio business, who hired me for my lame and cheesy advice when I had absolutely no business being a consultant."

Remarkably candid, Magoo mused about his early days, saying "I've had a charmed life. My suits and my hair got me a lot of clients, but let's face it, you can't launch a consultancy after two mediocre gigs and expect to succeed without using a lot of smoke and mirrors, or just plain getting lucky. I owe these first suckers some cash, if I can find them. If I don't pay them back, I'll surely burn in hell."

Magoo began what became M4 in 1980 after two brief and moderately successful large market programming positions at WHOA/New Orleans and KWEF ("16-Queef")/Seattle. M4 went international in 1987 when the company signed 2BM/Sydney as its first global client. Presently M4 advises 735 stations in 39 countries.

Magoo added programming personnel to M4 throughout the years, and was often quoted as saying "When it comes to hiring associates, I'm not afraid to hire people better than I am. And it's amazingly easy to find them."

Those twelve associates were not prepared in advance for Magoo's Friday announcement. On condition of anonymity, one spoke to All The Excess!: "S---, what a bombshell! I guess we associates have some decisions to make. And somebody better keep Mort away from the truth serum."

Awards? Incentives? Why bother?

The Radio Advertising Bureau's refusal to give awards for radio production, due to what they say is poor quality of entries, is an example of a much larger trend, a leading psychologist says.

"Incentives aren't paying off on the bottom line, so companies are, like, why bother?" according to Dr. Virgil Reality of the University of Los Angeles at Bakersfield.

Meanwhile employees, many of whom have already taken pay cuts, are wondering "Why bother?" themselves. A former Fluffycloud programmer (who declined to be identified) gave us a comment we've heard thousands of times in the past two years: "I get 'em the best ratings they've seen in ten years and what do I get? Laid off! I'm out on my butt!"

At Ennui Broadcasting, VP/Human Resources Conspira Twoface admitted, "Oh yeah, we used to have performance bonuses, sales person of the quarter, employee of the month, that kind of crap. Now that we're not making a dime and a postage stamp is worth more than a share of our stock, we've cut all that out. It may be demoralizing for a while, sure, but we think in the long run the cattle will work harder so they can maybe get their puny awards back."

Dr. Reality says the no-reward trend goes beyond radio, too, but takes credit for saving one endangered prize: "I convinced NARAS to still give out Grammys this year even though CD sales are in the toilet," he boasted. "But it wasn't easy."

"One of my homies at the Motion Picture Association says to me that he hasn't seen a movie as good as Slumdog Millionaire yet this year...so he says maybe there just won't be an Academy Award for Best Picture next spring," Reality said. "Where does it end? If we don't like the candidates for President next time, should we just refuse to elect anybody?"

After a long pause, he added, "Don't answer that."

Thrifty Radio Station TV Spot of the Week™

"I was just reaching for the toilet paper, that's all!"

This week's TRSTVSOTW is thrifty...and (then) topical too! Congratulations to GAP West Broadcasting's KLIX/Twin Falls, Idaho for keeping it under budget, even if the "star" of this commercial couldn't keep it in his pants....



Email nominations to trstvsotw@alltheexcess.com.

God smites Christian KUFU/Omaha...again

For the second time this year, Almighty God has brought his wrath upon Contemporary Christian KUFU/Omaha. This time it's a plague of locusts infesting the station's studio and transmitter building.

All The Excess! readers will recall an April weather event in which KUFU lost its 1300 foot tower. The latest Biblical punishment re-enactment seems to be without provocation, according to station personnel.

"Unless He feels like we haven't properly tithed in the current economy, we don't know what the heck he's mad at us about," lamented KUFU PD Aaron Goldenstein.

The station is presently off the air while staffers repent.

A softer Kimbrough to return from rehab

All The Excess! has learned that tomorrow will be Derf Kimbrough's first day back on the air nationwide, after the conservative talker spent the last few weeks at a treatment center for addiction to the osteoporosis drug Boniva.

Kimbrough syndicator TalkRight Networks' VP/Operations E. Bruce Grimes said, "Derf is softer to the touch now that he's somewhat decalcified, but whether he'll be kinder and gentler remains to be seen."

Speculation has run rampant that Kimbrough's return has been hastened by plunging ratings, which Grimes addressed: "It's true that the show hit a low point ratings-wise during Derf's illness, right after Professor Stephen Hawking filled in. But the guest hosts we've booked since then have helped us to build back up to near-Derf numbers," he said, citing Kirstie Alley and Star Jones as "especially charming" substitutes.

The location of Kimbrough's treatment center is still under wraps, but Grimes promised full disclosure on the air tomorrow. "We'll be paying off Derf's rehab bill with hundreds of live endorsements, so soon everyone will know exactly where he's been."

Cosmetic surgery nightmare for Ryan Seacrest?

Not really. Just a haunting past.

But it is him. (Date of photo uncertain.)

Let this be a warning to anyone planning to expand his/her media empire to enormous proportions: If enough people lose jobs as a consequence of your ambition, one day one of them will locate and publish an unflattering photograph from your youth.

And there's a good chance your mother will cooperate with them.

Social networking just for radio pros

Move over, Facebook - there's a new social network in town. And it's strictly for radio professionals.

CEO Andrew Agitate announces Face4RadioBook, a place where already incestuous radio professionals can become even more tightly knit.

"By excluding non-radio types from Face4RadioBook, we can keep our ideas pure and our focus sharp," Agitate claims. "No longer will we be corrupted by the outside influences of society, nor will we be forced to compromise our standards based on the wishes of a few listeners."

Face4RadioBook has its detractors, however. Noted TV talk show psychologist Dr. Wright Scripps cautions, "Now, more than ever, radio needs to look outside its ranks for new ideas. This kind of social networking only fosters more inbreeding and favors the regurgitation of old ideas, not the generation of new ones."

Face4RadioBook is now beginning to sign up members. Interested? Contact membership@face4radiobook.com.

A.T.E.! Weekend Topic

Is boycotting Bono really an effective way to fight the performance royalty?


Discuss.

Lancaster, PA morning team riles local Amish

It looks like the staffers of Dixx CHR WOOM/Lancaster, Pennsylvania have an Amish crisis on their hands, after a wacky bit done Thursday by the newly-arrived Morning Menagerie.

The Menagerie, Buddy Leroy Wacker and Crystal Frique, arrived after falling victims to an unpleasant budget slashing at KWGE/Reno two months ago. Wacker said, "We heard that the Amish didn't own radios and wouldn't be listening, so we thought they were fair game for our topical humor. Boy were we stupid!"

Frique echoed agreement with her well-known catch phrase, "That's right, Buddy."

The skit in question was a series of "You know you're Amish when..." jokes, delivered with a laugh track and background sounds of farm animals. An offended listener mentioned the routine to an Amish family, who then put pen to paper and circulated hand-written notes to Amish leaders.

Threats by the Amish to boycott WOOM advertisers have been met with puzzlement, as the Amish are generally self-sufficient. WOOM GM Frank Lee Preturbed noted, "They do not visit strip clubs, eat fast food, or purchase car insurance, breast augmentations, self-help books, language lessons, or male enhancement products, the very staples of WOOM's advertising."

The Amish community did make its hurt feelings known, however. WOOM staffers were unable to leave the workplace yesterday when a circle of buggies surrounded the Dixx Broadcasting complex. But after a few hours of darkness, the restless protesting mob disbanded to tend to their farms, allowing Dixx employees their freedom again.

Rumors of a Morning Menagerie suspension were just that; the show was back on the air this morning, albeit careful that all punch lines referred to religious sects well outside the WOOM coverage area.

"We offered to create an Amish-oriented HD2 channel to show our good will," said Preturbed, "but they just stared at us in silence."

Struggling L.A. AM sees gold in DTV switch

Staffers at a suburban Los Angeles AM station are getting ready for their close-ups tomorrow as KWUS/Pico Rivera begins a new programming approach: Describing what's happening on television to TV watchers left in the cold by the transition to digital TV.

KWUS owner/GM/PD/AM driver Roman Grabbage says "There are a quarter of a million households in L.A. who aren't ready for the DTV switch, and we're here to serve them."

KWUS staffers will monitor a DTV set tuned to L.A.'s top station, KABC-TV, and describe what's going on to people who can't see their favorite shows. All full-power television stations must end analog transmissions on Friday, and any viewer without cable, satellite, or a digital converter box will be "screwed," to paraphrase Grabbage.

"For now, we'll describe the commercials too, but hopefully we'll be able to sell some of our own soon," said Grabbage, who signed on the 25,000-watt (though it dips to just 6 watts at night) station in 2005, and has reportedly been near bankruptcy for months.

Contacted by All The Excess!, KABC-TV had no knowledge of the KWUS plan and seemed surprised by our questions, suggesting pending litigation. The fate of the previous "Twisted Korean Oldies" format on KWUS is unclear, although several other near-dark AM's in the region are reportedly interested.

Thrifty Radio Station TV Spot of the Week™

Correct us if we're wrong, but we think it's impossible to resist the cry of "We can't pay you, but we'll put you on TV!" That's why this spot for KBVB/Barnesville, Minnesota (a suburb of teeming Fargo-Moorhead) was easily cast. No pricey cookie-cutter syndicator behind this 30-second gem!



©Radio Fargo-Moorhead Inc.

Feel free to submit a TRSTVSOTW by emailing trstvsotw@alltheexcess.com, and wait breathlessly for the day when there's a reward for doing so! We are!

HD radio, phone, and footwear all in one!

Maybe Apple isn't including a radio chip in its new iPhone 3GS, but the HD Radio Rah Rah Association (HDRRRA) is taking the high road.

"We're full speed ahead with our plans for the HD Heel Dialer," remarked HDRRRA President Gavin Lemmings.

The HDRRRA has been working with Soldermass Electronics on its HD Heel Dialer for months, with plans to get the $299 combination HD radio, phone, and footwear item on shelves in time for the holiday season.

"No radio in the iPhone? Fine. That doesn't change our plans to put a phone in our newest HD radio. The time is right for fine footwear you can talk to, and listen to!" Lemmings said.

Talent pool might need some chlorine

Heading into summer, we've never seen the talent pool quite so full. No doubt it could use a good cleaning right about now, as well. The following talents have been displaced in the last week, their shifts assumed by Monolith's local-yet-national Erica Generica:

*WTTX/Gainesville's Judy Bunz
*Rip Skivvies of KSPP/Iffington, Texas
*Claude Senseless, ex-WTRD/Martha's Vineyard
*KFYK/Tucson's Boldface Lye
*Kitty Twinkle, formerly WWUW/Indianapolis
*KLRL/Durango, Colorado's Harmon Foulplay
*Buster Pustule, WMUI/Pervis Landing, Mississippi
*WHHW/Charleston, WV's Eric "Macho Man" Femme

Is KEEW off the air...or stunting?

Is Nurthcomm's KEEW/Portland off the air? It depends on who you ask.

According to All The Excess! observing ears, there is no sound coming from radios tuned to KEEW's 92.7 frequency. But a call to the station yielded the information that KEEW is stunting with the 'sounds' of mimes, according to KEEW Marketing Director Jaiper Bole (pronounced "hyper bo-LAY"). The soft AC format is apparently history.

And what is this silent stunting leading to? The KEEW website now consists only of a countdown clock, but if the numbers are to be believed, the clock won't reach the zero hour until November 3, 2009.

All The Excess! is as mystified as you are, but we'll stay with the story and give you the latest as we hear it.

Radio stations much more ready for DTV switch

According to a DTV spokesperson, this week's transition to digital television should be practically invisible to people at radio stations. And radio is considerably more ready for the change now than the industry was at the original deadline in February.

On Friday, analog transmissions from full-power TV stations will cease as the TV world goes fully digital. In the case of older television sets without a connection to cable or satellite TV, converter boxes will be necessary for the sets to receive digital signals over the air.

"I think every radio station had an old junker of an analog TV sitting there kinda disintegrating in the news room," explained Charm Luckee of the National DTV Switchover Crisis Council. "Heck no it wasn't connected to cable or satellite, and more likely it had aluminum foil on the rabbit ears to get a poor excuse of a signal even from a local station."

"Now that news rooms have been virtually eliminated, along with nearly everything else local about a radio station, there are fewer of these piece-of-crap ancient TV sets to worry about," the chatty Charm beamed. "That old 'news room' has probably been turned into storage, and who the hell goes into the storage room to watch their soaps?" she asked somewhat logically.

"That is, if there are people at the station at all these days. Or if the ones that are there have any free time any more to catch a glimpse of the noon news or Wheel Of Fortune in between doing extra tasks heaped on them after the callous firings of their co-workers and friends."

Laughing nervously, she continued in an almost maniacal tone: "So yeah, radio stations are now in lots better shape for the DTV transition than they were back in February, thanks to the total abandonment of localism and ever-continuing rampant consolidation! We love you guys!"

BREAKING: Clouseau must geau

All The Excess! has learned that after several well-publicized missteps in the FCC's investigation of Arbitron's Portable People Meter, Inspector Jacques Clouseau has been removed from the case and deported to his native France. The ratings company also reports confiscating a briefcase full of blank Arbitron diaries from Clouseau prior to his departure this morning. More details on this breaking story soon!

SHOCKER: Boso shutters consultancy; Accepts White House post; Weekly address 1st project

Noted News/Talk consultant Claude Boso has announced that he is joining President Barack Obama's administration in Washington, and as a result will close his consultancy, Boso Outfit Ltd.

Boso has claimed a major role in every News/Talk success story for the past twenty-five years, but recently has expressed frustration over the failure of his unfortunately high-cost and resume-deflating "Talkradio on HD2" concept.

"This is the logical next step in my storied career," Boso told All The Excess! "My first job will be to turn the President's weekly radio address into a ratings and revenue juggernaut. Right now no one can tell you what station carries the weekly speech, but soon you'll wonder how you spent a Saturday without it."

Boso's immediate plans include adding a live band, audience-participation skits and contests, and a wacky sidekick to act as President Obama's comedy foil during the expanded Saturday address to the nation. According to Boso, "Washington could use a little showmanship. And we're gonna raise that show-biz bar."

"After we fix the weekly address, the sky's the limit," Boso continued, hinting at future plans. "Because it's not enough for Obama just to be President - he wants to be Oprah. And that's the ultimate goal here."

Weekend yard sale at Fluffycloud/Cleveland

In what may be a test run for other markets, Fluffycloud's Cleveland cluster (Spanish WDUD, Smooth Jazz WDUD-FM, CHR WLPC "Lips FM," Talk WNLR "Blabradio 1400," and Christian WTF) will hold a yard sale this weekend, hoping to raise much needed cash for the strapped consolidator.

Offered will be classic cart machines and turntables, gently-used office furniture, outdated stationery, vintage T-shirts and frisbees, and other items from prize closets and engineering storage. A special grab bag of mystery items left unclaimed by recently laid-off workers will be offered in a silent auction (the former Fluffycloud employees are welcome to bid).

The sale is Saturday 10am-6pm and Sunday noon-6pm at the Fluffycloud complex, 11915 Boring Plains Parkway, Mayfield Village, Ohio. Proceeds will be sent to Fluffycloud corporate offices to aid in the creative restructuring of the company's gazillion dollar debt.

Five signs that things are looking up for radio

Either radio's black hole is sucking us in, or there's light at the end of the worm hole. Some indications:

1. TalkRight Networks is reporting brisk sales of "Derf boned me" T-shirts, an apparent reaction to the networks' star Derf Kimbrough, his Boniva addiction, and his subsequent rehabilitation. A TalkRight spokesperson said they couldn't give his T-shirts away six months ago, but now consumers are willing to shell out $29.95 for the XXL-only sized shirts.

2. The price of a black market Arbitron diary has increased by an average of $25 over the Q1 price, according to an All The Excess! spot check of Craigslist in various cities. Analysts see this as a sign of higher demand for advertising and radio in general.

3. The planet Mercury is once again direct and won't retrograde through most of the summer months. The next Mercury retrograde begins September 7, 2009, which is when you should be especially aware of potentially dysfunctional situations.

4. A long-missing family of vultures has returned to its nest halfway up an auxiliary tower of KYZI-FM/Yuma, Arizona. According to local Native American lore, the return of the "Wampum bird" is a sign that there's only six more months of recession.

5. Semantics-R-Us has conducted an analysis of adjectives used in corporate press releases over the past two years, and uncovered a trend that positive words are gradually replacing negative ones. For instance, "heinous" was the #8 adjective in PR documents in 2008; now it's #14. Also falling in usage were "devastating" (#14 to #40), "debilitating" (from #11 to off the list), and "craptastic" (from #25 to #29). Gainers included phrases like "minor increase" (#29-#22), "glimmer of possible hope" (#59-#51), and "guardedly optimistic" (#48-#41). And on a very bright note, the Semantics-R-Us survey found the word "stoked" used only twice in any public document issued by a radio company since 1/1/2008.

Stranger than fiction: R&R goes away!

The June 5 issue of Radio and Records will be its last, after a 36-year reign. As reported on R&R's own site:

"The current state of affairs has left The Nielsen Company with no other alternative but to immediately cease all services, products and events related to Radio & Records. The magazine's final edition is the June 5 issue. Electronic products end today, the Web site will be taken offline soon." (Full story here)(er, it was there...the R&R site has already been taken down!)

As must be obvious, R&R was a huge inspiration to All The Excess! and will be greatly missed!

Conservative talk show hosts in the news

*In rehab for a Boniva addiction at an undisclosed location, talker Derf Kimbrough tweets that he is enjoying a daily regimen of garden weeding, checkers tournaments, and light group chanting. A Kimbrough spokesman says that Derf's weight is down by 7.5 pounds and that his body is beginning to soften after becoming overcalcified by his abuse of the osteoporosis treatment. He is expected to be back on the affiliate stations who have stuck with him in time to do his annual live broadcast from San Francisco's GLBT Pride Day celebration on June 28.

*Milwaukee wingnuts are once again able to nod in blind approval as their hero, Lou Scannon of WNZI, returns after doing three weeks of community service related to a DUI arrest. The judge in the case had specified that the best way Scannon could be of service to his community was to be off the air for all three weeks, so Scannon used the opportunity to get away for some "quiet time" in Las Vegas and Amsterdam.

*After the UK's travel ban on talker Michael Savage, others are piling on: The town of Liberal, Kansas has declared him unwelcome in their city. California has decreed that Savage can no longer make left turns anywhere in the state, stating that such movements would be totally out of character for the talk show host. And White Knuckle Airways has begun using the term "Savage Row" when discussing the passenger seats closest to the emergency right wing exits.

Thrifty Radio Station TV Spot of the Week™

NRG Media's KOPW/Omaha, Power 106.9, takes home this week's trophy for TRSTVSOTW....



Nominate a station's TV spot for TRSTVSOTW...anonymously, if you must! TRSTVSOTW@alltheexcess.com.

Tweet this!

All The Excess! delights in reporting the most imaginative radio dirt we can dig (think) up. But sometimes reality is wilder than our most twisted thoughts. Witness the following true (we mean it) story out of the U.K., reported by Alethea Borgman at Digital Journal:

A digital radio station which became surprisingly popular with listeners has been taken off-air in favour of a new 'A&R style' commercial radio station, that will broadcast a mix of indie, urban, rock and jazz.

The temporary station dubbed the "Birdsong Channel” broadcast back-to-back birdsong music and was only ever designed to act as “filler” when the One Word Station closed 18 months ago.

Almost half a million bird enthusiasts and easy-listening lovers tuned in to experience the relaxing rural soundtracks that were originally recorded 20 years ago .

Quentin Howard, who is now the CEO of a number of radio stations, recorded the soundtracks in his back garden in Wiltshire.

Birdsong Channel enthusiasts set up fan sites on Facebook and a separate birdsong radio website became a commercial success through the CD sales of soundtracks it played out.

Nice to know that sticking a microphone out in your back yard can net you enough sound for a format. So if a performance royalty becomes law and you don't want to do all talk....

Your fave radio company? RADIO SHACK

Here are the long-awaited results from our recent poll: "Based on the coverage here on All The Excess!, which radio company would you most like to work for?" As you can see, Radio Shack was the runaway winner, with Multiple Offerings From Orbit (MOFO) Discount Satellite Radio a distant second.

Sadly, neither Frugal$tar nor CCC got a single vote! (CCC's no-show is probably due to the fact that all CCC IT departments block All The Excess! from being viewed at CCC clusters nationwide.)

Thanks for voting, and thank you for not making us rig the results - apparently we've trained our readers well when it comes to going for the easy punch line!