GREYdio, the radio network for advertiser-unfriendly listeners over 55, is in grave danger, sources tell All The Excess!Started in 1999 by CEO Jerry Attrick, who called it "Radio Disney for seniors," GREYdio (now owned by Monolith Broadcasting) has survived the budget axe twice, but a third strike might do much more damage than a mixed metaphor.
As Monolith faces imminent bankruptcy or worse, GREYdio looks like "fat that needs to be trimmed," says radio analyst Dom Waiter. "No advertiser wants an audience that buys diapers that aren't for small children," he says.
Airing a mix of standards, show tunes, simplistic smooth jazz, and an occasional oh-wow doo-wop song, GREYdio also features limited talk programming like the once-popular "Get Off My Lawn" program, in which host Merv Cudgeon airs complaints about the amount of sex in movies or the size of fonts in newspapers (the elderly's preferred method of learning current events).
On the engineering front, GREYdio's proprietary "Assisted Listening" technology has won industry awards for its amazing ability to increase music and speech volume for the hearing-impaired without resorting to illegal modulation.
"GREYdio breaks new songs, too," claims UK-USA Music President Doyle Global, 71, who cites Abe Vigoda's "Broken Hip and Poli-Grip," which reached the Billboard Top 10 in 2001 with near-exclusive airplay on GREYdio stations. "And then there's 'Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer' at holiday time," Global said in senile non sequitur fashion.
As bankruptcy lawyers gather, Monolith execs utter few words about GREYdio, but what is said points to a dim future. Reached while on vacation in Tahiti, Monolith President Baxter Ginstawall responded to rumors that Attrick was trying to buy the network back from the mega-corporation: "If Jerry wants GREYdio back, hell, we'll give it to him, but good luck selling advertisers on these folks who use tennis balls to keep their walkers from sliding. The company is considering all options at this point, including but not limited to euthanasia."
