Right wing radio talker and conservative savant Derf Kimbrough shocked the nation last week when he revealed the new, slimmer Derf. Now public health officials are cautioning that Kimbrough's weight loss method could be dangerous.The Farmers Union for Harvesting Cabbage from Kansas (FUHCK), a longtime Kimbrough advertiser, promotes the pound-melting cabbage and licorice diet that Kimbrough says is responsible for his weight loss.
Speaking for the National Institute of Health, Dr. C. I. Havananus warned that the FUHCK diet lacks basic daily nutritional value. "Depending on the length of time you diet, ingesting only cabbage and licorice can cause complications ranging from extreme flatulence to mental breakdowns to a complete loss of the sense of taste," he said. "I worry about the effect of his endorsement on the kids of America, many of whom enjoy the two foods, and especially when served together."
The now-svelte Kimbrough countered, "Bull hockey. If I had gas problems, don't you think I'd be the first to know? And as far as lacking taste, I challenge anyone to prove that they taste better than I do." He failed to address the mental health issue in his statement, though diagnoses of acute paranoia have dogged Kimbrough for years.
