As the Portable People Meter (PPM) continues its controversial roll-out, Arbitron has gone back to the drawing board, concocting new PPM designs that hopefully will make it more desirable for survey participants to carry one of the electronic listening measurement devices.
"We've identified several life groups within our respondent universe who would rather carry something that appears more appropriate for their individual lifestyle," Arbitron's Frank Sunbeens said at a press conference at which the new redesigns were first displayed. "These new designs are the result of countless hours of participant observation and focus group testing."
Here, All The Excess! shows a prototype of each new PPM design, along with Arbitron's official explanation.
1. The Bling PPM
"For those whose normal wear encompasses the urban jewelry sensation known as 'bling,' a PPM blended with a jeweled dollar sign is sure to impress. Worn around the neck, this device also contains special circuitry that filters heavy bass notes, which have been found to confuse the device into believing that another station is being heard."
2. The Flask PPM
"This PPM is perfect for the man or woman on the go who carries a flask to lessen stress and avoid becoming parched or dehydrated. The PPM is attached to the flask in a way that avoids leaks and minimizes temperature changes to the refreshing liquid inside."
3. PPM for Her
"Female respondents have complained that the PPM detracts from their wardrobe ensembles, so now there's a convenient way to wear the device under regular clothing. This PPM doubles as a handy bra clasp with only the slightest noticeable bulge."
4. PPM for the Defense
"Perhaps our most magnificent redesign accomplishment, the handgun PPM is a fully functional firearm coupled with the Portable People Meter. Aimed at meter carriers in southern states as well as inner city school children, this is our secret weapon to hitting promised respondent targets."
