All The Excess! has learned that most major radio corporations, many of which teeter on the brink of financial collapse, received an offer of monetary assistance from The Devil today.Of the top twenty terrestrial radio groups we contacted today, only Salem and Bonneville denied receiving a notification from the Prince of Darkness via registered letter. Terms of the bailouts offered were not disclosed, and are thought to vary from company to company.
Though we were not able to acquire the entire text of any of the letters, a spokesperson from nearly bankrupt Fluffycloud did verify a line in the letter that confirms something many have long suspected. In the sentence Lucifer says, "My resources are limited but will be available on a first come, first served basis, with preferential treatment to the companies with whom I have an ongoing consulting agreement."
The Dark One's last involvement in radio broadcasting was believed to have been during the period between 1996 and 2001, when he supposedly facilitated numerous large-scale acquisitions and mergers. It had been widely suspected that Beelzebub maintained a continuing advisory arrangement with at least one large operator, a notion confirmed in today's offer letter.
No one contacted by All The Excess! would affirm that they intended to explore the option of financial rescue by Satan, but the Fluffycloud spokesperson admitted, "I think we would have to consider anything at this point."
